Come down off that mountain

U.S. Olympians don't lose to other countries, they merely defeat themselves. Or the other Olympians were cheating. Or the Americans were hampered by sore throats or whatever. Or so says a hilarious article from the Washington Post:

These are rough times in American sport, a time for introspection and contemplation.

Good, now that that's out of the way we can find comfort in a single notion: We didn't actually lose. We never lose.