freedom, made in China

Americans are snapping up U.S. flags made in China, according to today's Financial Times article "Patriotism finds a cheaper source in China." Except that the article isn't funny, it sounds straight out of one of my favorite bits from David Cross's standup performance "Shut Up You Fucking Baby!" In this imagined post–9/11 TV commercial for the "Freedom Kit," Cross rants:

Twenty-seven different flags! Stick ’em on your car! Stick ’em on your window! Stick ’em in your office! Stick ’em on your cubicle! Fucking shove them up your ass! We’ve got special flags to shove up your ass when you’re sleeping! No reason not be a patriot when you’re asleep. C’mon, don’t let those terrorists win. If you don’t have a flag sticking out of your ass, the terrorists win! Always have flags! Give your children flags! Everyone should have a flag! At all times flags! Eat the flag! Eat it! Special edible flags! Have flags grafted on the inside of your eyelids so at all times you have flags! Have flag pills to eat so you shit out a flag! That’s true patriotism. Don’t be asleep on the job here, America!

So order today. All flags made by Chinese prison labor. Guaranteed. Guar-un-teed.

Transcription from a mildly entertaining NY Observer article on Cross.