Tuesday, December 7

helmets for everyone

In high school American government class, when we had a mock legislature, I introduced a bill for a 24-hour helmet law. Surely this would make the world safer and therefore better, I thought.

Think again. My teacher got mad and pulled me aside. "The bills are supposed to be serious," she hissed at me.

Ever since then, I've repressed my thoughts about the importance of helmets. The farthest I go is to wear one when I'm on my bike, which I find is socially acceptable, though sometimes passing teenagers crammed into cars yell at me as they drive by, presumably ridiculing me for wearing cranial protection.

But today I finally found someone who understands my fears of head injuries and hopes for the future: Ben Marcus, writer, philosopher, and personal protection equipment designer. Here's a tip from the man himself:
Q: Should a helmet be worn when I make love?

A: Until the notion of Helmet-Assisted life catches on with more people, you may be seen as a threat if you wear a helmet during moments of intimacy. Yet it might also be true that relaxed intimacy cannot occur unless the head is fully protected.

Desire is difficult to maintain during moments of risk and danger—men regularly attacked or humiliated by animals have frequently proven to be impotent.
Perhaps the best solution is to encourage your partner to wear a helmet first, gently implying that it increases your arousal or fulfills a fantasy you've always had—that is, to make love to a beautiful person who is wearing protective headgear. Then when you introduce your own helmet into the bedroom, discreetly, of course, through a lights-out equipment-debut strategy, the helmet will seem natural and lovely, like a headdress once may have looked to warriors—honorable and sacred and sexual—and you can make love safely, without unwanted risk to your head. Helmets should slowly become a reguar feature of life. Until that time, users should respect those people not yet accustomed to them, who still prefer a naked, vulnerable head.


Post a Comment

<< Home